Friday, March 18, 2011

Nature is not your friend.

I understand that this is kind of an odd thing to say, considering my last job, but it's true. If you're in advertising, 'nature' is green fields and trees and streams and butterflies and doe-a-deer-a-female-deer and usually there's some tie-in with a brand of liquor. However. If you are an actual person living in the actual world, nature barely tolerates your presence and will not hesitate to crush you. Consider the evidence so far: floods and earthquakes (thank you, 2011); bushfires; lightning; the shark. I've spent the last few weeks trying to look on the bright side, but there is no other conclusion: Nature hates you.

Exhibit A: A good start. (At this point, I was beginning to reconsider my anti-Nature stance. Wine always helps.)

Exhibit B: Nature, being all nature-y. For a moment, I thought it was a positive sign that a butterfly landed on my glass. In hindsight, I realise it was trying to warn me. "Run!" it said, with a flap of its tiny antennae. "Run!!"
"More wine!" I said in response, because I am an idiot.

Exhibit C: Nature's revenge.
Yes, clearly admiring a butterfly was the cue for its ugly cousin, the bee, to puncture my hand. And thus the rest of my glorious trip was spent with my hand in an esky of ice.

Lesson learned: camping is for chumps.