Friday, June 18, 2010

Guest jack-booting

Charles here (Ruby's dad).

Firstly, two notes to my daughter:

1. If you don't want your parents to find your blog, don't use your real name to set it up.
2. Also don't set your password to 'password'. (Don't worry, I've changed it now.)

Secondly, to the rest of you: apologies for temporarily co-opting this page. Ruby can't come to the compter right now. (Ruby also doesn't seem to be able to come to the phone, or to her senses for that matter.) She's been away on some work-related camp whatsit. From what I saw at the Expo, she's possibly learning how to whistle to trees or stick beads onto coloured pieces of paper.

So I'm throwing my search out to those of you reading this page: has anyone heard anything about the Jaasmyn Empire? I'm particularly looking for information regarding dubious practices, dodgy taxes, brain-washing, employee coercion, etc., though at this point I'll probably take whatever I can get. Hated a candle box? Got a paper cut from a pamphlet? Let me know.

By the way, I'd just like to clear up two scurrilous mentions of me in earlier posts by my erratic offspring:

* I did send a girl a photo of my arse once (which may or may not have had a message written on it), but it was completely justified.

* When women wear puffy-sleeved tops, they look like they're either compensating for having scrawny arms or trying to recreate their slave-hood status from the Victorian era. You don't look wistful or interesting, you look deranged. I stand by this opinion, regardless of how often my wife tells me puffy tops are "in". I'm assuming they'll be "out" again shortly.

More lecturing to come, Ruby predicts. We'll see.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tea for one

Sorry for the silence; I'm working longer hours than I thought I would be. The Doctor and I are kind of having a stand-off as a result. He's taken to lying across the hallway in the dark so I trip over him when I get home. Then I feed him extra food because I feel bad about stepping on him. Then, after he's stuffed himself, he ignores me for the rest of the evening. He'll give out eventually; the need to have his ears scratched usually outweighs his sulks by about the 48-hour mark.

It's not that the extra work isn't rewarding. I'm seeing parts of the Empire I never knew existed. Yesterday I got to sit in on a new class for people who are afraid of round shapes. A surprising number of people seem to be affected. It would totally suck if they worked in a kindergarten.

The Empire's also been giving me new teas to test at home so I can give them in-house feedback. My kitchen bench is covered in growing numbers of packets. Every time Mum sees them, she makes a little "Huh!" noise and rubs her ear. (She may have some kind of rash; I'll ask her about it later.) Anyway, I tried a new tea last night - Sienna Siesta - but I don't think I can tell the Empire anything useful because I lost consciousness half-way through the first cup. Perhaps I wasn't concentrating hard enough; I'll try again tonight.

On the down side, there's someone I'm trying to avoid at work. I don't like having to do it, but I don't have a choice; every time she sees me, she starts asking questions. And I'm not supposed to answer questions to lower-level staff. (Did I tell you about the staff levels? There are five. I'm Three. She's One. You can see the predicament.) Actually, I think she's kind of jealous of how quickly I've progressed. The head of the Empire (I'll call her 'J') and I were in the Intra-Conscious Reading Room the other day -- well, J was behind a screen and I was behind my supervisor who was behind four Level Fives but you know what I mean -- and she said that jealousy was one of the most corrosive emotions the human mind could create, and we should always take care to avoid it. I'm sure J has spent her whole life ignoring people who thought she was too beautiful. She does seem to be very good at tuning negativity out.

Right. Off to have a second go at Sienna Siesta. Fingers crossed I get better results this time.