Friday, April 30, 2010

Weirdest week ever.

The guy I met is cuter than I remember, thank God. We had dinner last night; I was terrified I wouldn't recognise him as the last time I saw him was filtered through about a litre of vodka martini at Ani's birthday party. As opposed to beer goggles, which make you think that everyone else is more attractive than they actually are, vodka goggles make you think that you are more attractive than you actually are. I'm not sure which is worse. ("What do you mean, you won't let me into your tiny, exclusive club? Can't you see how astoundingly good-looking I am?" "Ma'am, you're wearing a garbage bag." "Shut up! You suck!")

Anyway, rather than relive how I ruined an intimate part of the evening by being momentarily overcome by Bad Previous Relationship Memories (great timing, as usual), I'll move to a related topic: What's the worst way you can dump someone? By SMS is pretty bad, though I think it's so common now that it's become part of life. E.g.:

Five years ago
"He dumped me in a text message."
"What? He what? In a text? On your phone, right? How dare he? How could he? What kind of evil person does this? Let's burn his house down!"


"He dumped me in a text message."
"What a bastard. You're better off without him. Hey, have you met my friend Sergio?"

Anise was once dumped by a guy who left a note for her at the cafe. With Jonathan, of all people. You can imagine how that went down. (At least it wasn't with Bessie; she may never have received the message. Awkward phone calls would have resulted.) I don't think anyone has dumped Siobhan; they're usually lifeless husks after a few hours in her company. No one would have the strength to thumb the keypad. Dad said once that he sent a girl a photo of his bare arse with a message scribbled across the cheeks, but that's just Dad. He probably actually did it in person. And me? Well, once I tried to cushion the blow for a guy by listing all of his great qualities. Boy, did that backfire; when I finally got to the point and dumped him, he was completely shocked because I'd spent about half an hour puffing him up. Nice work, Ruby.

And then there was that other nameless person who dumped me at my own birthday party without actually being there but let's not visit that unhappy moment. The scars haven't healed; I still cringe at the sight of birthday cake candles.

In better news, I have a new job! It may or may not have something to do with the class I went to. Keep it under your hat for now, though; I'm not sure how it's going to work out because it seems really, really, really weird.

More later, I promise.

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